Hogwarts Karaoke Contest
by SeverusSnapesgirl12786
Summary: Chapter 9 up! What would happen if Hogwarts had a karaoke contest and the particapants cant select their songs? Rated R for a certain song in chapter 8. On Hold currently.
1. The Game

A Harry Potter Song Contest:  
  
A/N: This is my first fanfic, I hope that you enjoy. This topic has been over done but I think that I have picked some darn good songs.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, any of the Harry Potter characters, or any of the lyrics of the songs otherwise I wouldn't be writing this fanfic!   
  
Chapter 1: The Game  
  
Dumbledore eyed his staff one night during dinner with one of those evil grins that could only mean that he was up to something. He was in fact up to something he started talked to Minerva "So do you think that we should have the contest now and this time involve all of the teachers and students that are willing?" They had played a karaoke game a month back for all of the former Gryffindors that now are professors which included, Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Lupin.   
  
"Albus, how on Earth are we going to get Severus to join? The only way that he could possibly loosen up enough to even try was if he was drunk." Minerva asked. "That is where I am way ahead of you, Minerva, I have already spiked his pumpkin juice, true he probably knows what's in it but I'm sure that he doesn't mind." With that said Minerva looked down at the black-haired potions master and sure enough, he did have a slight glazed expression on his face.   
  
Dumbledore then asked Lupin whether it was a good idea and Lupin quickly agreed seeing Severus' expression. Dumbledore had all of the details worked out within 10 minutes. He then went down the Head Table asking the professors if they would join in a game and the only one who he hadn't asked was Snape. Since all of the other professors had already agreed they helped Dumbledore to convince Snape to join in their game of song. Finally Dumbledore convinced Severus to join after he said something about letting Severus test a poison and antidote on the professor of his choice.   
  
Dumbledore stood up and informed his students of what was to happen, "Students tonight we will be holding a karaoke contest for all students willing, also for all of the students' enjoyment all of the teachers have sportingly agreed to partake in this lovely game. For all of you that want to participate all you have to do is put your name into one of the cauldrons on the end of you house tables, you have 20 minutes to decide and have your name in. There is one twist though, you will not be able to pick your song, the magical microphone will pick it for you do to your own personality traits. Thank you, you have 20 minutes." Dumbledore then sat down as the rest of the Great Hall looked up in amazement.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Down at the Gryffindor table Harry, Ron, and Hermione were dicussing whether they would enter. "I might be somewhat fun, I mean if we entered, how can it be Lupin is going to do it" Harry said while wondering what song he would what the microphone to pick for him. "Fine Harry we'll do it, just because Hogwarts needs some livening up." Hermione said as she put their names into the cauldron. They sat down next to Fred and George who were the first two Gryffindors to put their names in.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Dumbledore then stood up "Thank you but the 20 minutes are up" The cauldrons glided over to Dumbledore. "The student participants for tonight are: Fred Weasley, George Weasley, Lee Jordan, Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Lavender Brown, Pavarti Patil, Padma Patil, Cho Chang, Draco Malfoy, Pansy Parkinson, and Justin Finch-Fletchly. Your names will be called at random and this all applies to the professors as well. The professors that will be performing are: Minerva McGonagall, Severus Snape, Remus Lupin, Fillius Flitwick, Rebeus Hagrid, Albus Dumbledore, Stephanie Sprout, and Sybil Trewalney. When you get your name called you will come to the Head Table and stand in front of the microphone where it will pick your song and then the music will start and then the lyrics will show up on the screen in front of you. After everybody has gone then a winner will be chosen by the students. Also as a bonus the top five performances will be required to sing another song as an encore. Our first participant will be..................." 


	2. The Piano Woman

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the songs.  
  
A/N: Thanks to all of the reviews   
  
Chapter 2: The Piano Woman.  
  
"Our first contestant will be Minerva McGonagall, if you would please step up to the microphone."Minerva stood and walked rather slowly to the microphone. She stood behind the microphone for a second then the microphone shouted "A Thousand Miles originally sung by Vanessa Carlton." Then a piano magiked into the Great Hall and Professor McGonagall was instructed to sit down. The music started and her fingers magically began to move as she played the first measure of the piano intro. The lyrics scrolled onto the screen and Professor McGonagall began to sing.  
  
"Makin' my way downtown  
  
walking fast  
  
faces pass and I'm homebound  
  
Staring blankly ahead  
  
just makin' my way  
  
I'm makin' a way  
  
through the crowd  
  
And I need you  
  
and I miss you  
  
and now I wonder  
  
If I could fall into the sky  
  
do you think time would pass me by  
  
cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles  
  
if I could see you ... tonight  
  
It's always times like these  
  
when I think of you  
  
and I wonder if you ever think of me  
  
Cause everything's so wrong  
  
and I don't belong  
  
livin' in your precious memory  
  
Cause I need you  
  
and I miss you  
  
and now I wonder  
  
If I could fall into the sky   
  
do you think time would pass me by  
  
cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles  
  
if I could see you ... tonight  
  
And I, I don't want to let you know  
  
I, I drown in your memory  
  
I, I don't want to let this go  
  
I, I don't ...  
  
Makin' my way downtown  
  
walking fast  
  
faces pass and I'm homebound  
  
Staring blankly ahead  
  
just makin' my way  
  
I'm makin' my way  
  
through the crowd  
  
And I still need you  
  
and I still miss you  
  
and now I wonder  
  
If I could fall into the sky  
  
do you think time would pass me by  
  
cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles  
  
if I could see you ... tonight  
  
And I, I don't want to let you know  
  
I, I drown in your memory  
  
I, I don't want to let this go  
  
I, I don't ...  
  
Makin' my way downtown  
  
walking fast  
  
faces pass and I'm homebound  
  
Staring blankly ahead  
  
just makin' my way  
  
I'm makin' my way  
  
through the crowd  
  
And I still need you  
  
and I still miss you  
  
and now I wonder  
  
If I could fall into the sky   
  
do you think time would pass me by  
  
cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles  
  
if I could see you ... tonight"  
  
After she was done with her song, she blushed as the students clapped. Minerva sat down at her usual seat at the Head Table as Albus Dumbledore stood up and said "Our next contestant will be........Remus Lupin." 


	3. Nice Guys?

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.....that is all mine *laughs evilly*  
  
A/N: OMG!!! Wow thanks you all are so nice. I loved the reviews and suggestions for songs.   
  
Thanks so much DarkSaiph I shall think about that song for Draco but I already have the perfect one for dear old sexy Sev! *grins evilly*  
  
Thanks Isis-Neptune for the suggestion about Remmie's song but that would be a good one....for his encore *hint hint nudge nudge wink wink say no more* but alas I have found the perfect one for dear Remmie!  
  
Lana Riddle dont you worry not one bit....you know too much already about this fic and you know that Snape is coming!!!  
  
Chapter 3: Nice Guys?  
  
"Remus Lupin please step forward to the microphone" Dumbldore says with a slight twinkle in his blue eyes. Remmie steps forward to the microphone and stands there for a while. The microphone shouts "Nice Guys Finish Last originally performed by Green Day!"   
  
Remus stands there bouncing on his heels thinking "Why me? Why? Why? Why that song?" Then the music starts and he looks down and he has on baggy jeans and some punk rock shirt on the the lyrics come on the screen and he begins to sing.  
  
"Nice guys finish last  
  
You're running out of gas  
  
Your sympathy will get you left behind  
  
Sometimes you're at your best  
  
When you feel the worst  
  
Do you feel washed up like piss going down the drain?  
  
Pressure cooker pick my brain and tell me I'm insane  
  
I'm so f***ing happy I could cry  
  
Every joke can have it's truth but now the joke's on you  
  
I never knew you're such a funny guy  
  
Oh nice guys finish last  
  
When you are the outcast  
  
Don't pat yourself on the back  
  
You might break your spine  
  
Living on command  
  
You're shaking lots of hands  
  
You're kissing up and bleeding all your trust  
  
Taking what you need  
  
Bite the hand that feeds  
  
You lose your memory and you got no shame  
  
Pressure cooker pick my brain and tell me I'm insane  
  
I'm so f***ing happy I could cry  
  
Every joke can have it's truth but now the joke's on you  
  
I never knew you're such a funny guy  
  
Oh nice guys finish last  
  
When you are the outcast  
  
Don't pat yourself on the back  
  
You might break your spine  
  
Oh nice guys finish last  
  
When you are the outcast  
  
Don't pat yourself on the back  
  
You might break your spine  
  
mmmmm  
  
Oh nice guys finish last  
  
When you are the outcast  
  
Don't pat yourself on the back  
  
You might break your spine  
  
Oh nice guys finish last  
  
When you are the outcast  
  
Don't pat yourself on the back  
  
You might break your spine"  
  
He steps back from the microphone and blushes while Harry and Ron cheer at the top of their lungs for Remus' performance. Severus looks around and thinks to himself "I could have done better than that." As Remus goes to sit down at his usual chair at the High Table, Dumbledore pats him on the back and thinks "Maybe Remus and I need to have a little chat about why that song is the song for him". Dumbledore says to everybody in the Great Hall "Our next contestant will be....... Draco Malfoy."  
  
A/N: I need suggestions for some of the characters songs, please dont send any suggestions for Severus or Dumbledore. I have those planned out to every detail but you will just have to wait a little bit longer for those. I will update when I can do to school and the joys and delites of marching band. 


	4. The Barbie Girl

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. That is all mine!!!   
  
A/N: Thanks for the reviews. Ermmmm Brittany yes I loved the advert! *grins* Check out my reviews to join a really cool Harry Potter RPG!!! I am a member and we really need members!  
  
Dark Saiph thanks again for that wonderful idea for Draco *hint hint nudge nudge wink wink say no more*  
  
Ch. 4 The Barbie Girl  
  
Dumbledore called, "Draco Malfoy, will you please come up to the microphone." Draco got up from the Slytherin table and mumbled "Sure why not Dumble-twit." Draco stood behind the microphone for what felt like five minutes. The microphone shouted "Barbie Girl originally performed by Aqua"  
  
Draco started to scream "No way am I singing that crap song, my father will hear of this Dumbledore" "Good Mr. Malfoy also tell Lucius how you volunteered for this wonderful honor" With that Draco glared at Dumbledore, as Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. Draco stood behind the microphone and folded his arms, he looked down and his regular robes had been transformed into tight blue jeans and a tight white muscle shirt. The music started and the lyrics flew up on to the screen and when Draco began to sing he had a very high pitched voice.  
  
Hi Barbie  
  
Hi Ken  
  
Do you wanna go for a ride?  
  
Sure Ken  
  
Jump In...  
  
I´m a barbie girl, in a barbie world  
  
Life in plastic, it´s fantastic.  
  
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere.  
  
Imagination, that is your creation.  
  
Come on Barbie, let´s go party!  
  
I´m a blond bimbo girl, in a fantasy world,  
  
Dress me up, make it tight, I´m your darling.  
  
You are my doll, rock´n´roll, feel the glamouring thing,  
  
kiss me here, touch me there, hanky panky.  
  
You can touch, you can play, if you say "I´m always  
  
yours"  
  
uu-oohuh..  
  
I´m a barbie girl, in a barbie world  
  
Life in plastic, it´s fantastic.  
  
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere.  
  
Imagination, that is your creation.  
  
Come on Barbie, let´s go party!  
  
Come on Barbie, let´s go party!  
  
Come on Barbie, let´s go party!  
  
Come on Barbie, let´s go party!  
  
Come on Barbie, let´s go party!  
  
Make me walk, make me talk, do whatever you please,  
  
I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees.  
  
Come jump in, be my friend, let us do it again,  
  
hit the town, fool around, let´s go party  
  
You can touch, you can play, if you say: "I´m always  
  
yours"  
  
You can touch, you can play, if you say: "I´m always  
  
yours"  
  
Come on Barbie, let´s go party!  
  
Come on Barbie, let´s go party!  
  
Come on Barbie, let´s go party!  
  
Come on Barbie, let´s go party!  
  
I´m a barbie girl, in a barbie world  
  
Life in plastic, it´s fantastic.  
  
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere.  
  
Imagination, that is your creation.  
  
Come on Barbie, let´s go party!  
  
I´m a barbie girl, in a barbie world  
  
Life in plastic, it´s fantastic.  
  
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere.  
  
Imagination, that is your creation.  
  
Come on Barbie, let´s go party!  
  
Come on Barbie, let´s go party!  
  
Come on Barbie, let´s go party!  
  
Come on Barbie, let´s go party!  
  
Come on Barbie, let´s go party!  
  
Oh, I´m having so much fun!  
  
Well Barbie, we just getting started.  
  
Oh, I love you Ken.  
  
When Draco finished he walked past Professor Snape, Draco blushed as Severus said, "Barbie Girl is your inner song, please do tell your father that." Draco sat down at the Slytherin table and began to blush as the Great Hall burst out in laughter and applause.  
  
Dumbledore stood up and said, "Well Mr. Malfory that was certainly entertaining. Out next contestant will be.......... Harry Potter."  
  
A/N: Next chapter will be coming soon, I am nearly done with it. I might be able to get more chapters up than I thought due to the fact that the muse seems to strike me during Calculus for some odd reason.....maybe it is that I am stuck in there for 85 minutes....who knows? Also I am going to put Snapes up here soon, before Brittany smacks me but under no curcumstances will Dumbledore not be last. Everybody will just have to wait for that. *evil grin* Think Ally McBeal! *evil grin* 


	5. The Celebrity

A/N: Sorry for the delay in this chapter but with school and Hurricane Isabel roaring through I had no time to put this up until now. I also had a slight case of writers block on this chapter sorry if it sucks. Sevvie is coming up soon. Thanks for the reviews but one thing.....Please stop sending song suggestions for Snape, I know exactly what I am going to use and I promise the chapters will be longer soon. I just have to get the easy ones done first.   
  
What ever is in ** are the singer's thoughts!  
  
Disclaimer: Thus again I own only the plot!   
  
Chapter 5: The Celebrity  
  
As Harry's name was called he began to regret that he volunteered. Harry stood up and started walking toward the microphone. As Harry walked past Snape, Snape thought, "I wonder what that egotistical little git is going to be forced to sing."  
  
Harry stood in front of the microphone. The microphone shouted "Celebrity written and origanlly performed by Brad Paisley." Harry stood there and thought "Bloody brilliant I get a song that I dont know the words to....just my freaking luck."  
  
Someday I'm gonna be famous, *been there done that*  
  
Do I have talent, well, no.  
  
These days you don't really need it,  
  
Thanks to reality shows *what the hell?*  
  
Can't wait to date a supermodel,  
  
Can't wait to sue my dad. *can never happen but....ok*  
  
Can't wait to wreck a Ferrari  
  
On my way to rehab....   
  
Cause when you're a Celebrity  
  
It's adios reality  
  
You can act just like a fool  
  
People think you're cool *yeah right*  
  
Just cause your on TV.  
  
I can throw major fits  
  
When my latte isn't just how I like it  
  
They say I've gone insane,   
  
I'll blame it on the fame,  
  
And the pressures that it goes with  
  
Being a Celebrity *ssssssssuuuuuuurrrrrreeee*  
  
I get to cry to Barbara Walters,  
  
When things don't go my way.   
  
I'll get community service  
  
No matter which law I break *too true*  
  
I'll make the supermarket tabloids,  
  
They'll write some awful stuff  
  
But the more they run my name down,   
  
The more my price goes up *there again way too true*  
  
Cause when you're a Celebrity,  
  
It's adios reality.  
  
No matter what you do,  
  
People think you're cool,  
  
Just cause you're on TV.  
  
I can fall in and out of love,  
  
Have marriages that barely last a month.  
  
When they go down the drain  
  
I'll blame it on fame  
  
And say it's just so tough.  
  
Being a Celebrity   
  
So let's hitch up the wagons and head out west  
  
To the land of fun in the sun  
  
We'll be real world bachelors  
  
Jackass Millionaires  
  
Hey, Hey, Hollywood  
  
Here we come!   
  
Yeah, When you're a Celebrity  
  
It's adios reality  
  
No matter what you do,  
  
People think you're cool,  
  
Just cause you're on t.v.  
  
...Being a Celebrity  
  
...Yeah Celebrity!  
  
...uh-huh  
  
"Where's my coffee?"   
  
Harry stood there as the Great Hall bursted out in applause. Harry over heard Fred and George shout "Hell yeah Harry!!" Harry walked back to the Gryffindor table and sat down next to Ron and Hermione. He looked at Ron who was bright red and laughing mouthing "Way to go mate." He turned to Hermione who was trying to supress a fit of the giggles and she just nodded her head and smiled.   
  
Dumbledore stood up again and said, "Well thank you Mr. Potter for your view on you being a celebrity. Our next contestant will be Severus Snape. Severus Snape........come on down" Dumbledore said in his best TV announcer voice. Severus snorted up his rather strong Vodka Tonic at the sound of his name. 


	6. Real Good Man

A/N: Here it is: The SNAPE CHAPTER!!! It is darn good. I had fun righting it. WEEEEEEEEHEEEEEEE!!!! I'm am sorry for the delay but I had a life changing moment happen this past week and have been living life one day at a time. Thanks a ton to my beta readers, you guys are great! I couldn't have done it without you!  
  
Disclaimer: I own only the plot. I wish I had Sev but I dont, I guess I'll just have to settle for the next best thing.... I cute british sweetheart! *grins*  
  
*-*: Snape's thoughts, also I left the visuals up to you the reader.....have fun. It is ment to be raunchy!!! *grin*  
  
Chapter 6: Real Good Man  
  
Dumbledore magically magnified vioce echoed throughout the hall, "Severus will you please come up here...now." Snape stood up and took another shot of his vodka tonic, stalked toward the microphone. He ran his fingers through his black hair and stood behind the microphone, waiting. He stood for a while, then the microphone shouted, "Real Good Man" originally performed by Tim McGraw." Snape's jaw dropped as he thought, "Oh shit! Why this bloody song?" All of a sudden, he felt something on his head. The students roared with laughter as they saw their Potions Master wearing a cowboy hat, tight black leather pants, and a tight short-sleave muscle shirt. Severus turned to Dumbledore who was crying with laughter. He then turned to Lupin and thought "Oh great, even that stupid werewolf is howling with laughter." Severus desperately wanted to crawl up under the Head Table and die, but it was too late. The music started and the lyrics flew up on the screen. He began to sing and everybody in the Great Hall shut up and listened to Snape's beautiful baritone voice sing these rather raunchy yet somehow sexy lyrics:  
  
Girl you've never known no one like me  
  
Up there in your high society  
  
They might tell you I'm no good  
  
Girl they need to understand  
  
Just who I am  
  
I may be a real bad boy  
  
But baby I'm a real good man  
  
I may drink too much and play too loud *too true*  
  
Hang out with a rough and rowdy crowd *damn straight*  
  
That don't mean I don't respect  
  
My Mama or my Uncle Sam *come now....I'm no fool*  
  
Yes sir, yes ma'am  
  
I may be a real bad boy  
  
But baby I'm a real good man  
  
I might have a reckless streak  
  
At least a country-mile wild *Hell yeah*  
  
If you're gonna run with me  
  
It's gonna be a wild ride *yes give me a try....I'm currently single*  
  
When it comes to loving you  
  
I've got velvet hands *damn I'm good*  
  
I'll show you how a real bad boy  
  
Can be a real good man  
  
I take all the good times I can get *dont't we all?*  
  
I'm too young for growing up just yet  
  
Ain't much I can promise you  
  
'Cept to do the best I can *but of course*  
  
I'll be damned  
  
I may be a real bad boy  
  
But baby I'm a real good man  
  
I may be a real bad boy  
  
Oh but baby I'm a real good man  
  
Yes I am  
  
When he stopped, the Great Hall was silent and then burst into applause. Snape was amazed, he turned around and ran his fingers through his hair, showing now emotion to his "admirers". As he sat down, he looked at Dumbledore, who looked completely dumbfounded. When Severus sat down Lupin shouted, "Damn, Severus, didn't know you had it in you!" Snape looked at him smugly and took another shot of his vodka tonic. It took Dumbledore a few minutes to get his composure, he then stood and said, "All I can say to that Severus is...wow, but our next contestants will be Fred Weasley, George Weasley, and Lee Jordan." 


	7. MMMBop

A/N: Usual disclaimer. I own the plot, none of the songs, none of the characters (would make a comment but I will keep it to myself), if I did I would be rich and happy. -grins-  
  
I know that it has been a while since I updated this fanfic but I have been working on my other fanfic "Hogwarts and Music". I have also been doing some college application stuff. La di da di da. On with the seventh chapter.  
  
*-* Fred Weasley's thoughts  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Chapter 7: MMMMBop!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Fred, George, and Lee walked happily up to the front and stood behind the magical microphones that had been placed for them to sing into. Most of the Great Hall was still in awe over Snape's performance that they didn't even realize what the microphone had shouted. Fred, George, and Lee just looked at each other and burst out with laughter at the thought of singing Hanson's "MMMBop"! As they prepared to sing, a drum set rose from the floor, right in front of Lee Jordan. A keyboard rose right in front of Fred Weasley and a guitar landed in George's hands. Lee Jordan picked up the neon drumsticks as George threw the new strap over his head. Then they started to play. As Fred Weasley started sing the lyrics on the screen.  
  
Oh oh oh oh oh  
  
Yeah  
  
You have so many relationships in this life  
  
Only one or two will last  
  
You go through all the pain and strife  
  
Then you turn your back and they're gone so fast  
  
Oh yeah  
  
And they're gone so fast, yeah *Too right*  
  
Oh  
  
So hold on the ones who really care  
  
In the end they'll be the only ones there  
  
And when you get old and start losing your hair  
  
Tell me who will still care *ME ME ME ME ME*  
  
Can you tell me who will still care?  
  
Oh care  
  
Mmmbop, ba duba dop  
  
Ba du bop, ba duba dop  
  
Ba du bop, ba duba dop  
  
Ba du  
  
Yeah  
  
Mmmbop, ba duba dop  
  
Ba du bop, Ba du dop  
  
Ba du bop, Ba du dop  
  
Ba du  
  
Yeah  
  
Oh yeah  
  
In an Mmmbop they're gone  
  
Yeah yeah  
  
Plant a seed, plant a flower, plant a rose  
  
You can plant any one of those  
  
Keep planting to find out which one grows  
  
It's a secret no one knows  
  
It's a secret no one knows  
  
Oh, no one knows  
  
Mmmbop, ba duba dop  
  
Ba du bop, ba duba dop  
  
Ba du bop, ba duba dop  
  
Ba du, yeah  
  
Mmmbop, ba duba dop  
  
Ba du bop, Ba du dop  
  
Ba du bop, Ba du dop  
  
Ba du, yeah *Fun Fun Fun*  
  
Oh  
  
Yeah oh  
  
In an mmm bop they're gone  
  
Oh yeah oh  
  
In an mmmbop they're gone  
  
In an mmm bop they're not there  
  
In an mmmbop they're gone  
  
In an mmm bop they're not there  
  
In an mmmbop they're gone  
  
In an mmmbop they're not there  
  
In an mmmbop they're gone  
  
In an mmmbop they're not there *Poof*  
  
Until you lose your hair  
  
Oh  
  
But you don't care  
  
Mmmbop, ba duba dop  
  
Ba du bop, ba duba dop  
  
Ba du bop, ba duba dop  
  
Ba du, yeah  
  
Mmmbop, ba duba dop  
  
Ba du bop, Ba du dop  
  
Ba du bop, Ba du dop  
  
Ba du, yeah *Rock ON!!*  
  
Yeah  
  
Oh yeah oh oh  
  
So hold on the ones who really care  
  
In the end they'll be the only ones there  
  
And hen you get old and start losing your hair  
  
Tell me who will still care  
  
Can you tell me who will still care?  
  
Oh care  
  
Mmmbop, ba duba dop  
  
Ba du bop, ba duba dop  
  
Ba du bop, ba duba dop  
  
Ba du, yeah  
  
Mmmbop, ba duba dop  
  
Ba du bop, Ba du dop  
  
Ba du bop, Ba du dop  
  
Ba du, care  
  
Can you tell me? oh  
  
No you can't 'cause you don't know  
  
Can you tell me? oh  
  
You say you can but you don't know  
  
Can you tell me? oh  
  
(Which flower's going to grow?)  
  
No you can't 'cause you don't know  
  
Can you tell me? oh  
  
(If it's going to be a daisy or a rose?)  
  
You say you can but you don't know  
  
Can you tell me? oh  
  
(which flower's going to grow?)  
  
No you can't 'cause you don't know  
  
Can you tell me? oh  
  
You say you can but you don't know  
  
Oh yeah  
  
You say you can but you don't know  
  
You dont know  
  
You dont know, oh  
  
Mmmbop, ba duba dop  
  
Ba du bop, ba duba dop  
  
Ba du bop, ba duba dop  
  
Ba du, yeah  
  
Mmmbop, ba duba dop  
  
Ba du bop, Ba du dop  
  
Ba du bop, Ba du dop  
  
Ba du, care  
  
Oh  
  
Can u tell me? oh  
  
No you can't 'cause you don't know  
  
Can u tell me? oh  
  
You say you can but you don't know  
  
Can u tell me? oh  
  
No you can't 'cause you don't know  
  
Can u tell me?  
  
You say you can but you don't know  
  
Fred, George, and Lee did very extravagant bows to the Great Hall as everybody cheered. Dumbledore stood up and tried to usher them off back to the Gryffindor table but they kept on coming back to bow, wave, or make peace signs. Dumbledore finally had to attach them to their seats at the Gryffindor table to keep them from getting up. He spoke into the microphone, "Ron Weasley please come up to the microphone please." Ron went brick red, making his head look like it was on fire. He stood up as Fred and George were plugging their ears muttering that they hoped that he singed better here than he does in the shower. 


	8. The VERY Bad Touch!

A/N: Usual disclaimer.   
  
Big thanks go out to my reviewers. You rock! The rating will be going up right now! I can't believe that I am going to put this in a story.   
  
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Chpater 8: The VERY Bad Touch  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Ron Weasley stood behind the microphone. He looked terrified, his face still looked like it was on fire. The microphone sat idle for what felt like serval minutes, whe it finally shouted, "The Bad Touch by the Bloodhound Gang." Ron thought to himself, "The what? Oh NO!" The music started and all of the muggle-borns began to laugh hysterically. The stopped and looked at Ron, trying to fight back the laughter when he began to sing the lyrics.  
  
Ha-ha. Well now, we call this the act of mating. But, there are several other very important differences between human beings and animals that you should know about.  
  
I'd appreciate your input.   
  
Sweat baby sweat baby sex is a Texas drought   
  
Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about   
  
So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts   
  
Yes I'm Siskel yes I'm Ebert and you're getting two thumbs up   
  
You've had enough of two-hand touch you want it rough you're out of bounds   
  
I want you smothered want you covered like my Waffle House hashbrowns   
  
Comin' quicker than FedEx never reach an apex just like Coca-Cola stock you are inclined   
  
To make me rise an hour early just like Daylight Savings Time   
  
Do it now   
  
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals   
  
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel   
  
Do it again now   
  
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals   
  
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel   
  
Gettin' horny now   
  
Love the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket   
  
Like the lost catacombs of Egypt only God knows where we stuck it   
  
Hieroglyphics? Let me be Pacific I wanna be down in your South Seas   
  
But I got this notion that the motion of your ocean means small craft advisory   
  
So if I capsize on your thighs high tide B-5 you sunk my battleship   
  
Please turn me on I'm Mister Coffee with an automatic drip   
  
So show me yours I'll show you mine "Tool Time" you'll Lovett just like Lyle   
  
And then we'll do it doggy style so we can both watch "X-Files"   
  
Do it now   
  
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals   
  
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel   
  
Do it again now   
  
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals   
  
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel   
  
Gettin' horny now   
  
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals   
  
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel   
  
Do it again now   
  
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals   
  
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel   
  
Do it now   
  
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals   
  
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel   
  
Do it again now   
  
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals   
  
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel   
  
Gettin' horny now   
  
As Ron finished, everybody in the Great Hall looked mortified. Snape's jaw was open, Professor McGongall was blushing, Dumbledore was shaking his head, Hermione was making a slight gaging noise, and good old Harry Potter was laughing hysterically. Ron ran back to the Gryffindor table and burried his head. Dumbledore stood and was at a loss for words. He regained his composure and said, "Ok. Next will be..........Professor Flitwick." 


	9. I Wish!

A/N: Usual disclaimer. I own the plot only!!!!   
  
Keep on r/r!!! Please. Also song ideas would be very helpful right now, I have an idea for Hagrid but I want to see if y'all have any better ones. Thanks.  
  
So here we go.....Flitwick's song. Thanks Relle for your approval of this song. I thought that it was perfect too.  
  
*-*: Flitwick's thoughts  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Chapter 9: I wish!  
  
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Professor Flitwick hoped off of his pile of cushions and meandered over to the way to tall microphone. He looked at it an sighed and made a squeaky 'Hurmph'. The microphone slid down to his height and hummed for a bit while Flitwick waited for the microphone to shout out the song title. Everybody in the Great Hall peered down to try and get a look at Flitwick. The microphone let out a loud, rather shrill squeak, "'I Wish' originally performed by Skee-Lo". Flitwick mumbled to himself, 'Who is that? It better not be a rap.' Sure enough, his worst fears were realized when the heavy back-beat of the rap music came on, he heaved a heavy sigh and shouted the lyrics, trying to imitate some rap singer that he saw once.  
  
Hey, this is radio station W-S-K-E-E  
  
We're takin' calls off the wish line  
  
Making all your wacky wishes come true  
  
Hello  
  
I wish I was little bit taller, *Pleaseeeeee*  
  
I wish I was a baller  
  
I wish I had a girl who looked good  
  
I would call her   
  
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat  
  
and a '64 Impala *Weeeeeee!!! Fun! Fun!!*  
  
I wish I was like six-foot-nine  
  
So I could get with Leoshi  
  
Cause she don't know me but yo she's really fine  
  
You know I see her all the time  
  
Everywhere I go, and even in my dreams  
  
I can scheme of ways to make her mine  
  
Cause I know she's livin phat  
  
Her boyfriend's tall and he plays ball  
  
So how am I gonna compete with that  
  
'Cause when it comes to playing basketball  
  
I'm always last to be picked  
  
And in some cases never picked at all  
  
So I just lean upon the wall  
  
Or sit up in the bleachers with the rest of the girls  
  
Who came to watch their men ball  
  
Dag y'all! I never understood  
  
Why the jocks get the fly girls  
  
And me I get the hood rats  
  
I tell 'em scat, skittle, skibobble  
  
Got hit with a bottle  
  
And put in the hospital, for talkin' that mess  
  
I confess it's a shame when you livin' in a city  
  
That's the size of a box and nobody knows yo' name  
  
Glad I came to my senses  
  
Like quick-quick got sick-sick to my stomach  
  
Overcome with my thoughts of me and her together  
  
Right?  
  
So when I asked her out she said I wasn't her type  
  
(rpt 1, 1)  
  
I wish I had a brand-new car  
  
So far, I got this hatchback  
  
And everywhere I go, yo I gets laughed at  
  
And when I'm in my car I'm laid back  
  
I got an 8-track and a spare tire in the backseat  
  
But that's flat  
  
And do you really wanna know what's really wack, What  
  
See I can't even get a date  
  
So, what do you think of that?  
  
I heard that prom night is the bomb night  
  
With a hood rat you can hold tight  
  
But really tho' on figuero  
  
When I'm in my car I can't even get a hello  
  
Well so many people wanna cruise Crenshaw on Sunday  
  
Well then I'm gonna have to get in my car and go  
  
You know I take the 110 to the 105  
  
Get off on Crenshaw tell my homies look alive  
  
Cause it's hard to survive  
  
Livin' in a concrete jungle and  
  
These girls just keep passin' me by  
  
She looks fly, she looks fly  
  
Makes me say my, my, my  
  
(rpt 1, 1)  
  
I wish I was a little bit taller...  
  
I wish I was a baller...  
  
I wish I was a little bit taller y'all  
  
I wish I was a baller (3)  
  
Hey, I wish I had my way  
  
'Cause everyday would be a Friday  
  
You could even speed on the highway  
  
I would play ghetto games  
  
Name my kids ghetto names  
  
Little Mookie, big Al, Lorraine  
  
Yo you know that's on the real  
  
So if you're down on your luck  
  
Then you should know just how I feel  
  
Cause if you don't want me around  
  
See I go simple, I go easy, I go greyhound  
  
Hey, you, what's that sound?  
  
Everybody look what's going down  
  
Ahhhh, yes, ain't that fresh?  
  
Everybody wants to get down like that  
  
(rpt 1, 1)  
  
I wish, I wish, I wish...   
  
Flitwick finished and everybody tried to fight back the giggles. Dumbledore stood up "Our next performer will be......Hagrid. I guess we go from the smallest to the tallest now don't we.?" Harry, Ron, and Hermione were the only was cheering loudly, everybody else looked like they were dreading what was coming up next.  
  
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A/N: Tada!! Hagrid's song is coming next. Ideas needed for his song. 


End file.
